Edward Thomas - analysis of quote And yet I am half in love with pain free essay sample

Thomas expresses the view that he is ‘half in love with pain’ in various poems, particularly ‘Melancholy’ and ‘Rain’. In both of these poems he seems to resent his troubles but also appreciates them in a rather unusual way. He expresses this by juxtaposing his inner states of joy and melancholy and the outer states of weather and the natural world. Throughout ‘Melancholy’, we see a relationship between pain and pleasure as he presents them as two halves of a whole experience, where one is consistently reinforming the other, as an endless cycle and revolution, like the seasons. When looking at ‘Melancholy’, it is clear that Thomas is suffering and in sadness; it is a state of mind for him. This may also be due to his mother suffering from depression, that he too lived with. Although Thomas resents his illness in this poem, he does not want to change his ways, ‘so that if I feared the solitude / far more I feared all company: too sharp, too rude. ’ His disliking of being alone does not motivate him to find any company as he has found faults in this too. Instead, Thomas remains in this state, which shows the audience that maybe he does not want to escape this gloomy mind set; which then shows us that maybe a part of him takes pleasure in his own sadness. This strange behaviour is expressed more clearly throughout the poem, where he uses a metaphor of weather for his illness, (as we have seen in various other poems from Thomas, such as ‘March’), ‘The rain and wind, the rain and wind, raved endlessly.’ Considering dreary and terrible weather usually reflects Thomas’ own feelings, Thomas’ use of repetition accentuates the never ending pain he endures, as does the more to the point, ‘raved endlessly’. However, Thomas then goes on to say ‘On me the summer storm, and fever, and melancholy / Wrought magic’ Even from ‘summer storm’ we can infer that he has a bittersweet view of his own pain – Summer usually being something Thomas takes pleasure in (as in many poems such as ‘March’ and ‘But These Things Also’, he talks of his happiness as the Winter ends and the more enjoyable weather begins) paired with a storm; and then proceeding to openly addressing his own sadness as a ‘fever’ shows the direct link between the weather and his own emotions. Thomas’ enjoyment becomes clear when he states that this ‘fever and melancholy’ has ‘wrought magic’. Thomas has found something special and moving, although it is often seen as awful and displeasing. He seems to be trying to say that his own illness has cast a spell on him, which is interesting as he addresses it positively with  Ã¢â‚¬Ëœmagic’. This point is proven further when Thomas goes on to say ‘Yet naught did my despair / But sweeten the strange sweetness’; the fact that Thomas repeats the word ‘sweet’ twice exaggerates the extent to which he takes a curious joy in his own pain. In ‘Rain’ there is a link between rain and his own sadness, as Thomas frequently uses rain as a symbol of his own pain being present. However, this poem is somewhat confusing as he describes rain as a dissolver of pain, ‘And neither hear the rain nor give it thanks / for washing me cleaner than I have been’. In this extract Thomas shows the rain to be almost washing away his sins. The rain, in this poem, holds some religious connotations, as Thomas also states ‘Blessed are the dead that the rain rains upon’. Although the rain is seemingly a symbol of cleanliness and purity, it is also a constant reminder of his own solitude and fear of death, ‘nothing but the wild rain / On this bleak hut, and solitude, and me / Remembering again that I shall die’. Here the rain is constant, wild, never ending; the sound of the rain seems to be a reminder of his loneliness in the world. The rain is almost presented as both holy and as an evil reminder, perhaps as half pleasure and half pain. Thomas then goes on to say, ‘But here I pray that none whom once I loved / Is dying tonight or lying still awake / Solitary, listening to the rain’. Here we see that to Thomas, the sound of the rain is a sign of solitude and/or death; but this could perhaps be argued against, as death is the end to all pain. As we have seen earlier on in the poem, Thomas has resented death as it takes away his ability to enjoy the beauty of nature, ‘Remembering again that I shall die / And neither hear the rain nor give it thanks’. Thomas’ famous love for nature is taken away by death, and this is obviously a source of pain for him. However, towards the end of the poem, he states ‘If love it be towards what is perfect and / Cannot, the tempest tells me, disappoint.’ Thomas finds that death is in a way, perfect, as it will dissolve his pain, and can not ‘disappoint’. It is clear that Thomas is conflicted with whether he wants to die, as he finds pleasure in the pain of this, too. In conclusion, Thomas expresses that he is ‘half in love with pain’ through the juxtaposition of his inner views and comparing these with the states of weather: Thomas shows that pain often changes a human being in such a way that they become ‘magic’ and otherworldly, and this change of perspective makes him see the world in a different way, and this, is what Thomas takes pleasure in.